More Than Dreidle
Rabbi AbrahamTwerski, M.D.
INTRODUCTION
INTRODUCTION
I sometimes feel that it is my destiny to alert the Jewish
community to things it does not want to know. First, that
alcoholism is a problem among Jews, then drugs among young
people, then spouse abuse. Now I must follow with the news
that the incidence of compulsive (addictive) gambling is
alarming. When the voice on the telephone says
“Gevalt!
Please help
me!,” I know it is about a gambling problem.
Jews are hardly immune to social trends. Gambling has seen
a meteoric rise in recent years. The figures are
staggering. Legal gambling is a more than $300 billion
industry, and it is estimated that four times as much money
is wagered illegally as legally! Teens and seniors are
relative newcomers to the scene, and some of the latter
lose their pension and Social Security checks to gambling.
Compulsive gambling threatens to dethrone alcoholism and
drug addiction as the nation’s largest behavior
pathology. This has had its impact on all segments of the
Jewish community.
The call today: “I don’t think I can handle it
any more. We’re penniless, and I and my three
children are going to be evicted from our apartment.
I’m tired of shlepping him to doctors. They do no
good!”
Another call from a member of a prominent Jewish family. To
avoid a chilul
Hashem (scandalous
reflection), he paid off thousands of dollars of his
son’s gambling-induced debts. Now his son says that
if he doesn’t pay $40,000 to the mob, they will break
his legs. I referred the father to Gambler’s
Anonymous (GA) and Gam-Anon (family-support groups) who, as
alumni of the cruel University of Experience, know what to
do and what not to do. Unfortunately, the father did not
listen, mortgaged his home and gave his son the money. The
next call was from the sister. Now he must have $60,000, or
else. The father is broke. What should they do?
I told her that she might sell her jewelry, empty the
children’s savings, and mortgage the house so that he
could continue gambling at the race-track or casino, blow
it all in one day, and come back with a desperate demand
for $100,000.
Compulsive gambling is an “equal opportunity
destroyer.” It is as non-discriminating as the cold
virus. People who are religiously observant are not exempt
from its scourge.
A compulsive gambler cannot help himself. He may be in deep
remorse, cry profusely, protest that he loves his family
(which he really does) and make promises which he cannot
keep. Psychiatrists and psychologists cannot help him
(unless they have expertise in addictive gambling).
Researchers say that there are medications on ther horizon
that may be of help. As of now, there is no medical cure
for compulsive gambling. Antidepressant medication may
relieve some depression and anxiety, but what really helps
is a change in lifestyle. To prevent his self-destruction
and the ruination of the entire family, the latter must be
guided by people with proven competence in the field.
One wife felt that she had the answer. She transferred the
title of the home to her name, as well as the bank accounts
and the CDs. That should take care of it, shouldn’t
it? Well, he took his wife’s ID, paid a woman $100 to
impersonate his wife, withdrew the money from their savings
account and cashed in the CDs.
Home
remedies don’t work!
Generally, the thing that may bring a compulsive gambler to
his senses is hitting “rock-bottom,” i.e., the
pain resulting from the gambling is great enough that he is
willing to do whatever it takes to overcome the addiction.
When the family tries to “help” by paying off
his debts, believing his worthless promises that he will
never gamble again, or getting him a lawyer to extricate
him from legal problems or from going to jail for
credit-card fraud or check forgery, they
are removing the very things that might finally lead him to
accept help. “Rock-bottom” may
sometimes be averted by a family “confrontation and
intervention,” which will be described later on.
Compulsive gambling is a kind of cancer, often not showing
any symptoms until it is far advanced. Compulsive gambling
not only destroys the gambler but also the entire family.
Just as a sober alcoholic may not take even a single drink,
so an addictive gambler may not buy something as small as a
$1 lottery ticket. If he does, he may be off to the races
-- literally.
There are residential treatment centers for compulsive
gamblers, but they are quite costly, and the person must be
willing to go.
If you are concerned about a family member who may have a
gambling problem, promptly
call Gam-Anon
Family Groups at 1-877-664-2469. A volunteer who knows the
ropes will get in touch with you and refer you to the
proper sources for help. If there is an agency that has
experts on addictive gambling, they can be consulted.
Well-intended advice from family, friends and rabbis may be
misleading.
Is there recovery? Yes! I know people who for more than
thirty years have not gambled even one cent. The families
are intact and happy. They and their families followed
instructions from the experts.
Two things are crucial: (1) to be aware that compulsive
gambling is far more common than we think, and that there
is no immunity. The incidence among Jews is
disproportionately high. In many GA groups, 30%-50% of the
attendees are Jewish, and in some groups, 90% are Jewish.
Yet, denial of the problem among Jews is most intense; and
(2) we must know all there is to know about compulsive
gambling. It is a phenomenon that defies logical
understanding. In dealing with compulsive gambling, we must
set aside all reason and recognize the condition for what
it is: cunning, baffling, powerful and insidious.
In the following discussion, I will use the terms
“compulsive gambling” and “addictive
gambling” interchangeably. The term
“compulsive” helps us understand the quality of
powerlessness that possesses the compulsive gambler. The
term “addictive gambling” helps us understand
that, like every other addiction, it is a condition for
which there is no “cure.” An addictive disorder
can be effectively treated and arrested, and the addict can
live a normal and happy life, but he must always remember
that he is an addict. Any gambling, at whatever level, can
initiate a destructive vortex. Experts on compulsive
gambling will agree with my assertion that a compulsive
gambler may
not even play dreidel on Chanukah for
pennies!
It has been appropriately said about addiction that
“once a cucumber becomes a pickle, it never goes back
to being a cucumber again.” Awareness of the nature
of compulsive, addictive gambling will empower us to deal
with it most effectively.
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